One of the hardest things that I've found is being a writer and being sick at the same time. There is so much that I have to do but I can't do it. I have to sit there and be sick in my sickness and let it all go. Just let things drop and try to get better. It is stressful because all I can think about, while not napping, is what isn't getting done. The blog posts aren't getting done and my gratitude week self imploded. The editing isn't getting done. No writing is getting done. It's hell because I want to do things. I really do. I want to write the blog posts. I want to get things done. I just couldn't last week because that's how sick I was. It sucked. It really really sucked. There's no other way to put it, honestly.
So, here I am, on Tuesday, a week later, and I'm starting to feel normal again. I'm starting to pick things up again, like this blog, and get things done. I've got a to-do list, I'm feeling better, but there's also this question at the back of my head. I'm wondering how last week and feeling right now would have gone if I had pushed myself to get things done. If I had pushed myself to finish gratitude week or get the editing done, how good would it be? I wouldn't be able to give my all to my projects and that idea terrifies me a bit more than just not doing anything at all. It terrifies me not to give my all to my craft and put every bit of me into my writing or editing. Or even blogging. If I'm not giving 100%, what am I giving? How good will it be? How much will I have to go back and redo things because I pushed myself?
Underneath all of those questions is one more - how would I be feeling right now if I did that? Not mentally with my work but physically. I have a pretty nasty virus going on - I went into a clinic on Thursday and got a faint positive for strep but the culture came back negative - and I had no energy. I was sleeping and watching the Olympics with a little bit of playing World of Warcraft. There were times when even that was too much. So, in pushing myself, I don't think I would be feeling better now. I don't think I would be up and able to get my work done or even take care of the house as it is. Now, sure, I'm still not 100% physically but I am feeling that way mentally. I'm still losing my voice and coughing and all that fun stuff but at least I'm clear headed enough to work. At least I am ready to get things done.
And that, truth be told, is the best part about coming out the other side when feeling sick. To give yourself the time off in order to come back better. I know a lot of people can't do that because of the ways that sick days and PTO is set up in the United States but it would be nice if it was. It would be nice if we could get sick and take all the time we needed to get better. It would be nice to go to see your doctor, without the fear of it bankrupting you in case it turned out to be worse than a cold or strep, and getting your medicine without wondering if you would be able to eat. I think, along with a lot of other reforms, we need to start striving towards that. Let's make ourselves better first and then get back to work, with a clear mind and, hopefully, some clear sinuses.
See you all next week and, until then, happy writing.
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